think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
