I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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