Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
