my sisters under your porch take her home
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
where are my eyebrows?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
