Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
