He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize