I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am one with the molecules
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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