stop calling my apartment porn island.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
