Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
