problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
