after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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