i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
