it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
