he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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