you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
