Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
