so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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