He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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