I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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