I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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