were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
