Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
