I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
