the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
