is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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