I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
