smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
