Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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