Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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