Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can feel your judgement through the phone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
