yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its liver damage thursday
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
