I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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