So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
