kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Life is so much better after having sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
