You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
