The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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