yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
