I just threw up on my dentist
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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