weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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