Nicole vs. Life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
