I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
