I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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