Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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