I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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