I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
