If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
pray to the hookup gods
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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