she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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