Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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