Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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