Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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