she was so not down for the gang bang
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
