So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
