at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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