It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
