I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
