My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
