He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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