i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
