FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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