i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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