Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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