I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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