I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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