currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were destined to go to rehab together
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
